Tuesday, August 30
- ive been such a stupid head and stubborn nail that i think i really deserve some good'ol spanking. big time. dont i just luuurve to step on people who cares and still feel so proud and stupid? such rude brat i am.
but i am angry for this situation that has brought upon us. why do we have to sacrifice? why? why? why?
Saturday, August 27
I Am Torn.
- i have secretly kept another version of my journal. wanna see it? its hilarious man. check them out!
muse have been mentioning shanghai and saying that'll he'll stay for me and wotever that dosent ease my heart for such steps to be made impulsively. "its either you come here, or i'll go back to you, don't say no more will ya?" i can only secretly sulk. how can he put me before anything else? my secret selfish soul wished for his return, but i cant play selfish with muse and his big heart for me. both solutions are more than difficult to proceed. im torn between my strawberry chocolate and melon fudge. fuck. i AM torn.
if i have to let things go. it will mean i have to jilt wot i hear, my heart, my fears will come and go, just like wot made me, always better, always stronger, always bolder. all things happens for a reason, no? wotever will be, will be.
background + bic runga
Sunday, August 21
Missing Pieces Family Tree
- i couldnt catch my breathe on stage today and i thought i was gonna faint. wheezing throughout the entire day, but it stopped after our visit to dad's tomb today. strange, but soon as we trotted out, i started to cough again. *shrugs* so maybe dad has limitations for blessing me? or he thinks that he's little girl deserve some coughs and wheezes to slow down her pace that he hadn't been able to catch up?
i miss you dad. seeing you has always been calming for me.
zach has been gone for years and nobody has any idea where he is now. though we didnt have the best of relationships, we all love you and wish for your safety. come back home when you miss mummy. if not for us, then at least for your mum. hmm. sometimes, i think its the men in the house that has made us stronger, sober, and tougher. whatever it is, we still make the best out of the worst senario. always. i love my sistakins and my auntie mummy dearest. who cares if we have missing pieces in our family tree.
ok, so much for the low mood ive had after my set tonight. yay! extra show this month! its woo hoo for me!
tralala fa la la.
Monday, August 8
Seeing The Room Again.
- ive been playing this over and over again.
a : say you love me? *grins*
b : *laughs* i love you!
a : one more time?
b : *repeats* one more time?
*background with all the slaps and laughters*
missing him is an understatement. i stepped into the room and got myself busy checking stuffs on the net and telling myself i need to study. all things are still intact and i have yet to move anything at all eversince i came back. the scrabble board is still sitting at the corner and we have our old scores scribbled on the paper. the ash tray is not mine. i peeped, and there they were, marlboro menthol lights, all not mine.
the tix to shanghai is so expensive that we didnt think we can afford to fly me over to catch the grand opening of the club. the worst news came when muse said the project might drag for another month or so. "oh, ahh.." was what i can come up with. i feel like crying but im surrounded by people, i just held my breath, i just kept talking. "good that all is good for you" , "ok, will take to you later. bye." i hate to wait for time. i hate that its always so damn bloody slow when ure waiting, and how its past us by when u hope time stays for just that little while.