Saturday, January 29
ive got my 1st roll of film from my shanghai trip. apparently, due to the freezing cold unbearable weather, ive only managed to torture my frozen fingers to snap 2 rolls of b/w. you dun need license to drive or ride a bike. cyclists are everywhere and bewarned, they have weird culture to scream or raise their voice at you when ure in the way.
Wednesday, January 26
Links from Sickly Happy Bunny?!
- hey u. wanna make fiends?
they are here!?
this link is fun! all for you entrepreneurs, its an online educational game that teaches entrepreneurship!
Disney™ Online Hot Shot Business
im down with flu. having running nose and my throat is tight. feeling sickly is not fun at all.
*sobs* *sniffles* *sobs*
oh oh! school starts next week! *hyperventilates*
so i'm a sickly happy bunny!(?) *scratches head*
my apologies, this is all too confusing for me.
background + kasabian
Monday, January 17
Will This Leopard Change His Spots?
- I'm leaving for shanghai tomorow. A mixed feeling of pulled and pushed when eversince the day I booked for the tix, I regretted it right away. Although all seem to be back to normal (or so we all thought), all I can say is, its been quite a stressful month.
I remembered picking my tarot cards once about last some time last month and did a reading in a hurry for ladyboy. It said something about my past, like how I had woken up from a bad drem and brought it to reality. 9 of swords was a man sitting up in bed with his face buried in both his hands. I bit my lips, i shot right through my heart. What bothers me was the future card which says "you might thought you know him but you don't at all". Sisterkin was rushing me and I picked them up and shove them to the box. What did it mean? I should do it once again, this time round, with a clearer mind and ample time, no disturbance or rushing of any sort.
What happened later, was that how the two weeks affected 3 ppl. all you need, is 1 to be insecure/weak . 1 to be expressive in love and 1 in pain. Would you call infidelity for two ppl who's emotionally attached, but not officially a couple? Can your insecurities be a bad reason good enough or a hidden excuse for your inability to stay in a monogamous relationship? They say you will learn to treasure what you've lost, realise what you really want after your mistake. I wonder if i should tag these ppl with a second chance? but what about the leopard who will never change it's spots?
Nonetheless, I will still be estatic about my trip and I know I will have fun. Doing all shoppa shoppa, singing wala and be snappy happy.
background + kasabian
Saturday, January 8
No Grasp of Life Circling Fate.
- its weird how man rant about how evil and cruel the life can be. realising it and climbed back on track. stayed strong and protected. all by themselves. bravest of all, its like waves gushing in, their face, slapping them over and over again and swiping them away, but they just savour it all and only have thoughts to soak in salt water, make their turn, strolled back to the shore and awaiting for time to arrive for healing to begin. so they stood still, felt the breeze blowing every inch of'em, like blowing away all the heavy weights from the water. they walked outta it and feeling ready to face the world again with a different reason this time. all is worth.
just like how distracting this real world can be, they stumbled and fell, again. cried alone and felt ditched by all love around'em. poor soul, finally resort to crawl back to some time of self reflection, wondering what wrong had they done this time. sad that some just accepted things to fate. fuck fate. if there's fate i believe in, its fate that i have every grasp of. now, feeling as low as the sands beneathe their feet, they let the the pain sink to the feet that dragged them back to the sea. facing it, they cant resist the temptation of dipping themselves into the sea, only to pick themselves up and returning to what they refused to see, the cycle of this whole misery. there's no end to it.
i clenched my teeth and had my eyes closed. maybe i am one of them.
background + five for fighting
Monday, January 3
Hear Me Not.
- contradiction is unavoidable. the paths we crossed were never forgotten. i will remember you but crushed hearted me will tear as u re-appeared. why did i not forget. i thought i did. i thought u left. lurking feelings unexplained, unsolved, unindentified and im utterly petrified. tell me, show me where u'd gone and bring me there. did you just played a tune or have i gone insane? i hear music in my head. the melodies were heavy and slowly crawling up my spine and as i close my eyes, i hold my breathe and i lost you. gosh. i really thought it was beautiful. i refuse to open my eyes. i wonder if i were given a choice , will it be any different. i have lost all trust and my heart aches, it actually still hurts.
if i have you to wipe my tears, i will offer you a hug and wish for you to return me a kiss. will this be too much to ask. will this be all i ask. did i lose faith after u or did i lose myself after u. it occurs to me that i have subconsciously resorted to ask myself questions and replying with answers of what i want to hear. have i outgrown myself or lost my sanity, will i receive an answer if i dun ask myself? i ask myself, this one last time. "but will there be anyone to listen if i didnt choose to ask myself? will there be anyone?"
do i even want anyone to be there?
background + evanescence
Sunday, January 2
Departing Sin For All Reasons.
- zhen (willie's girlfriend) : departing for quantan at 10am today. (family visiting)
willie : departing for brisbane tonight. (school starts)
Ck and ant : in phuket doing their part to help the tsunaimi victims. (SAF recall)
sistakin and chicken : departed for taiwan yesterday. (holiday trip)
gregor : departing for Bali at 9am. (colleagues bonding)
XbabyG : departing for US on the 4th. (family visiting)
me : departing for shanghai on the 18th. (holiday trip)
yes yes yes. i want to eat, sleep, walk and talk china soon. yay!
Saturday, January 1
A Good 2004.
- its weird. i was actually penning down what i want to accomplish for my new year. unbelievable. new year resolution has taken over me. suicide is subtly creeping onto the back of my head and i literally practice it for real. its really wierd.
so many things have happened and i decided not to blabber about how i felt about all things cheerie or how much they've affected me. no more complaints and never regret. i thought about the emotions i shared with the ppl whom i loved and appreciates how i managed to keep myself sane after years of torment from the cruel reality and ugly souls that ive grown to forgive or forget. it was a closed shave. scars that were left behind started to look somewhat cool and im thankful for whatever's up there *points up* for granting me to have the vision for all things beautiful, even if it was through the windows that i had once closed and had wrongly believed it should shield me from attacks of the outside world, which explains how i had "over-protected" myself from the ppl whos love i might've missed. i did not mean i saw enlightenment. oh pleeeease. *rolls eyes* . i just know, that if they'd left, they're never meant to be anyway.
who i want to be, might not be me. who i am today, was what i made happened. a thought is always a thought till uve actually put your hands on it. instead of planning ahead, i looked back and found no regrets. i had laughed, lived and sucessfully stayed happy throughout 2004 and i felt my lips stretched to a smile as all happy memories surfaced. it was a good year for me. i hope u had fun too.
next year will always be a better year. *blows kisses*
i love u all. have a wonderful year throughout.
background + suede