"dysfuctionally inspired"

Wednesday, November 27



    Why does he asked for the fucking manual of coping-with-my-pms' handbook so that he will know what are the advisable things to do to calm my occasional childlike behaviours, when even after VERBALLY telling him ( under he's much persistant persuations ) to just not get pissed off under any circumstances, even before knowing whats wrong,or even when im totally unreasonable (unless i'd abused the respect he earned ), he should just talk me out and i'll snap out of it very soon, AND HE CAN"T EVEN FUCKING FULFIL THAT.


    WHT? WHY?


    Is that THAT DIFFICULT of a request for your patience?


    What the fuck is our comprimising for? Is someone going through some kinda memory relapse or have you not understood when i requested your little patience to ease my occational fucked up periods and you just fucking promised you'll do that? I did promise to control a little more of my ridiculous times,which i did and im still trying and you know that! and all of that, he told me he can't stand me to be ALWAYS like that.Its unfair to someone that has been trying and he just spat on your face like you're fucking dumbass to honour your words. "I can't stand if you're always going to be like that" keeps ringing in my head. I'd grown up to be like that, i told him before, and that he can walk out on me at that moment if he think he's not up for it. NO, he said that he totally understands that it is me and that its not too much to handle.


    Think i will believe anymore shit any guy promised? NO!


    Sometimes i wonder why do i have to go through all these. After much thought, i realised we had never said "i love u" to each other at all. Funny why he can say all the sweetest things in the world but not a single "i love u".For him, maybe he was just looking for some asian chicks for companionship while he nestle in the foreign place to blend in.For me,maybe im scared to be really involve,after the tramatic past experiences. maybe its because im unsure if he's going to live up to his words of the love promises he'd listed down (which every fucking guy did, and sadly, i always had to made them eat their words), or maybe im afraid if i fell too deep and reel out too much and when he decided to sign the contract for england, i can't climb back up.Maybe, we're not '"in love" enough to say the tree fucking words, or afraid to bear any responsibilities for any one of us. Maybe i should just quit and go.

    background+ tori amos
    conflake girl
posted by fries @ 6:08:00 PM
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