"dysfuctionally inspired"

Monday, December 10


Strong Vs Rational.


    on the way to school earlier, i suddenly remembered what joycie babe last siad to me over msn before i sign out at work. "i wish i am strong like you."

    me strong? i cannot help but laugh. not at them, not at myself. but how this strong self of mine is somehow what ive been telling people, that no matter what they do, they always have a choice. truth is, given a choice i wanna be just like most of u. as i pondered over what joycie babe commented again, i wonder what makes them have such thought about me. maybe not expressing my feelings enough is one of them? like all the others, who wept, ranted and raved about what hurts while i offered my shoulder and smile and still give sane advices even though i myself is in deep load of shit that some thought this is being strong? lol. literally laughing out loud, i am. well, if u asked, i will tell u, i don't have a choice. if i can choose, i will want to be who i am not for now. im contented with who or what i am today. but i wish i can learn to open and let all barriers down. hmm. i don't think u get my drift.

    antway.

    never would i call myself strong as i know i am only human as well. i just don't see why we have to pour and crawl and behave like we're needy of attention. im not stating that the rest are seeking of such, but i think pouring of sorrows should be limited to our circle of friends and it should only be an output for u to get over it. u do it once or twice, u get over it.

    now. i have absolutely no idea why i have such a post. meaningless and i even sounded angry. *laughs* guess i was just confused by the frequent comment on how blah blah strong i am.

    *scratches head* i am not?

    if anything, i think im just a very rational person. like when i am in a situation, i weigh on how much it is worth to dwell on it and used i try so hard not to cry or feel too sad till now its become a habit that has been practiced in my daily live. ive learned how to think rationally, so even when i allow myself to cry, it will only be because i think in life, people do NEED tears and sorrows, so then i will allow myself to digest the sad thought and only feel relieved when i started to tear. hmm. there's alot who won't understand that my situation can be sad as well. i wanna uncontrollably break down and cry for someone so bad some people think im mad.

    i AM mad. right?

    i feel my heart and it doesnt pump for me anymore.
posted by fries @ 9:49:00 PM
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